Recently, I’ve been clearing out old blog posts. Hundreds, by the droves it seems I’ve been ready. Blogs posts written since I was 16. A mere child. Today in officially in my mid thirties, I find myself seeing the world from another point of view. Older, I pray wiser, and gone through hard things I wouldn’t wish even on my enemy. I discovered I miss somethings that my younger self had, but I also acknowledge the ever growing twenties and the hard 30s.
It is fancistating to me reading my own thoughts. A little were childish. But so many dealt with harshness. There’s a quote that I paraphrased here. “People see the choices you made, but they don’t see the circumstance that drove you to them.” I lived that. When I see someone I love act out of the ordinary, I am reminded of that quote. It has driven me to my knees more often than not. Boldness comes to ask “What’s wrong? You’re not yourself. Why this decision?” Please note • I am NOT excusing bad/wrong behavior. However, if I know someone well and they’re acting not their normal self- I allow for grace to help dissolve deeper issues.
My artistic brain wrote all over the place and there were wonderful piece. But I quickly realized how little those blog piece belonged on the site I was writing from. Which is why some of the familiar and favorites will make back on here • likely tweaked. Some are destined for the trash and there’s complete freedom to that. I never thought there would come a day where I could throw away stuff like that. But there did. And you know where that’s a sign of healing and growing (I pray) wiser. Giving myself permission to be honest, real, and recognizing what belong has been life giving.
Cultivating and Creating spaces according to their DNA has been freedom that I wouldn’t have otherwise.
And the stuff that doesn’t belong, but I want to keep? I’m moving “offline” to a journal that I’ll note dates and photographs in them for safe keeping. But they leave the site, but it’s crucial I stay within the boundaries. Since that decision, I’ve noticed a huge shift.
Delight, ease, organization, fun, and Freedom echo through my mindset. I’ve notice I been cultivating and curating specific to each of the difference spaces over many areas of my life- that I am willing to take more risks. I indulge in luxury otherwise not taken. And I say “No” with a kind confidence that does not always lend itself to be explanatory. I also find myself saying “Yes” to more of the delights even if it looks like work upfront. I’ve stepped back with a quietness in places so when I’m all in I go forward with authority and celebration. All because I got honest about my writing and seeing where it belongs.