Ever try to NOT do something that you KNOW is yours? Knowing what is yours, but you don’t do it? Whatever that reason is. For what every strange reasons and excused. Yet, you find yourself time and time again in front of the very thing you keep running from. Yah. Me too. I started this site during a trammeled part of my life to actually do my business, have healthy relationship…a fight to survive and in many way both physically and emotionally the fight to draw a breath.
I don’t ever want to forget how God was here for me, for my mom and sister. How we’d literally would find a roof over our heads at 11:59…true stories. Strange people, strange smells, strange places and hunger accompanied by a undescribed weariness seemingly was the never ending part of our life at that time. Unfortunately, I developed a caution around men • honestly people in general• – particularly in the contractor/building world, one I am currently (Praise be to God) unlearning. The irony of our contractor once again being male is not lost on me. Funnier still, he is near my age. He has undertaken this huge project that requires brains and courage accompanied by lots of permits and red tape. Here’s the thing though, God doesn’t give into our traumatic experiences…He gives us tools and the Holy Spirit to know what to do with the brokeness.
Sometimes that means trusting Him with the very experiences that broke us.
One thing I want to make clear. In Christ we are made whole and we are created to stay whole. Father doesn’t create circumstances for us to break…we do that all ourselves by either our decisions or the impact of other people decisions. But He is right there, and when we look to Him we realize we are whole and healed and are being healed. There have been huge strides in healing. In fact, you will •I very much hope• see artists, writers, and creative here. I have recently made some friends who have in more than one way helped heal me. Then there are people who have stayed true to good character have reminded me (us) not all leave. We need each other. There is such a beauty in friendships and if both sides are willing to work together it makes life even better.
Believe me, There is time in prayer over each guest writers on this site, each one asked because I believed there was something the Holy Spirit wants to say through them. Sometimes it’s a yes, times have been no, and sometimes it wasn’t the right season. But it is on me to be obedient to ask and ask in the right timing. Now…I’m stilling learning how to ask, and how to pulled things together behind the scenes. It’s my first time gathering guest writers and I’m so grateful for their graciousness.
One of the things I’ve been asking myself is “What is this season for?”
It helps sums up what to do or even what not to do. For many years I’ve been the behind, behind the scenes person. I don’t regret it. But what I do regret is not believing myself to be where God told me to be. Which…lead to a hard truth. I will try my best to say it simply. I didn’t believe that God using me would actually take care of me. I thought by taking care of others, promoting their work would be the way God would take care of me. Please understand I am NOT making this about me….though I am talking about me.
I am talking about the disbelief in myself that was ultimately disbelief in Him.
I made myself available to people at the expense of my gifts, time, and resources that was never meant for. Running away because I didn’t understand my authority. For years I did what I “thought” I should do. I was a nanny for over 10 years…babysitting since 14 ( I was so proud when I passed my class). No regrets in pouring into the children. Zero. In fact I still do that – but for very select people. But I paid more attention to what I “thought” should be…rather than do the things that I was called to.
Simply put I tried to put myself only into a ministry category. For years I felt guilty for taking money…one that last well into mid-twenties. Perhaps, regardless whether or not you’re a believer of Jesus Christ, you felt that too. My friend…that isn’t from Father. He loves to lavish, He withholds nothing good. In fact, He wants the best for us and that’s often a prayer I say. “Father, I ask for the best of the best, but I want Your best. Give Your best for me, for my family, for my friends.” We’re the ones putting limitations on ourselves- not Him. Our own perceived “successes” or “wealth” could actually keep us from entering into what we are to be doing.
Filling in or taking out what God has already filled won’t do anything, but bring discouragement.
In 2012 God gave me a life quote. It is one that once again resurfaced reminding me to stay put where He has me. I won’t forget that last day of 3-months camp looking over the river while sitting in the rocking chair. Exhausted from doing all the jobs and doing little of the one I was actually there for…being a photographer. I hope this last quote brings you comfort as it has me.
Do nothing more. Do nothing less. Than what I (God) have called you to do.
Christina Damron